BATMAM VS SUPERMAM MOVIE DRAFT EXCLUSIVE!!!
WE HERE AT ORGANIZIZED HAVE MANAGED TO OBTAIN A MAJOR INTERNET EXCLUSIVE!!! YES!! US!!!!!!
WE HAVE MANAGED TO GET HOLD OF THE FIRST DRAFT COPY OF THE SECRETLY PLANNED SUPERMAM VS BATMAM! MOVIE!!!!
OUR SOURCES SAY THAT PRE PRODUCTION IS AT A VERY ADVANCED STAGE. AFTER FILMING THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, CHRISTOPHER NOLAN WILL PRODUCE THE NEW SUPERMAN MOVIE AND THEN HE WILL PRODUCE THIS MEGA PRODUCTION!!! WITH CHRISTIAN BALE EXPECTING A FIRM OFFER FROM WARNER BROTHERS TO REPRISE HIS ROLE AS THE DARK KNIGHT STRAIGHT AFTER SHOOTING THE FORTHCOMING DARK KNIGHT RISES MOVIE, AND A BUDGET BELIEVED TO BE IN THE REGION OF $240 MILLION.
SO HERE IS A SNIPPET OF THAT SCRIPT, WHICH WE BOUGHT FROM A RANDOM TEENAGER INSIDER, IN A PUB IN GLASGOW, ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, (WHO LOOKED GEN UP BY THE WAY) FOR THE PRICE OF A PACK OF EXPENSIVE CIGARETTES. NOT MAYFAIR OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. DAVIDOFFS, TO BE EXACT.
(First draft) by Grant Morrison
SCENE 237: EXT. MOUNT RUSHMORE. NIGHT.
BATMAN stands on one of the big heads. He looks ready for a fight. SUPERMAN swoops down from the sky.
SUPERMAN: So, it’s come to this, eh Bruce? You staunin oan a big hill, waitin’ tae punch ma cunt in.
BATMAN: Shut it, ya dick. I’m gonny knock you out.
SUPERMAN: Ye really think so daint ye?
BATMAN: Aye. A fuckin dae!
SUPERMAN: What makes you think you can batter me wae yer wee shitey gadgets? “Oh look, a batarang”. Fuck ye! lazers oot ma eyes! You’re pure shite man…Ye canny even stoap the Joker hawf the time…
BATMAN: Shut it ya specky wank. At least it never took me five year tae get ma hole aff Louis Lane! Pain in the arse that she is. Je no’ get bored watching her in peril?
SUPERMAN: Watch it Bruce. That’s ma wife and the ma ae ma we’an your talking aboot there mate…
BATMAN: You no’ shagged her up the arse yet? Big Lex told me she loves it…She was like that man “Oh Lex, man! I love it! Clark’s too nice. He wants tae haud my hand all day…”. And he’s like that “Aye hen, I kno’”…How’d ye shag her wae that mad alien dick a yours anyway?
SUPERMAN: How’s Robin dain’ Bruce?
BATMAN: Whit’s that goat tae dae with anyfin? No’ that I’d tell you anyway ya sleekit prick…
SUPERMAN: Just wondering how yer wee bum chum wis dain’…Naebody killed this wan yet? This wan no’ ran away, naw?
BATMAN: Bite me, ya pie.
SUPERMAN: It’s just as well you own aw the press in Gotham int it? It’s amazing how they never seem tae notice your always hinging around teenage boys…
BATMAN: Aw here man, you better shut it red pants…
SUPERMAN: …You could be Gotham’s answer tae Michael Jackson! You and Alfred…you’ve a nice wee ring go’n oan there…
BATMAN: Superman, I swear tae fuckin God man, ye better pack it…
SUPERMAN: Is it an exclusive wee club, or can anybody join?
BATMAN: D’ye know whit? I’m gonny fuck you up!
SUPERMAN: I’d like tae see ye try ya mad schitzo…
BATMAN: You think yer fuckin it, daint ye? Fucking flyin aboot aw day, scannin’ the burds wae yer xray eyes. Freezin watterfaws wi’ yer breath. But what aboot efter that eh? When yer hingin aboot a wee ginger cunt that’s been in the same YTS job for aboot 20 years. He still canny take a decent photie and he still dresses like a peado…
SUPERMAN: Well, you’re the expert on that Bruce…
BATMAN: RIGHT, THAT’S IT!
SUPERMAN: MOAN THEN YA DICK! METRO TOI!
SUPERMAN gets skelped a pure heavy dulyin when he jamp on the heed then stoats his shooder aff the brick…
THE JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE!
EXT. DOWNTOWN STAR CITY. NIGHT.
BLUE BEETLE stands on the rooftop. Below him chaos ensues. A BIG MONSTER is heading toward the great bridge. Powering on despite the efforts of the rest of THE JUSTICE LEAGUE. As if on the nick of time GUY GARDNER floats down in a ray of green light, smug grin on his face.
GUY: Sorry I took so long Beetle. You know how it is…Had a little trouble with my female fans on the way. What’s the situation?
BEETLE: I don’t know man, I’ve just arrived…?
GUY: Okay Beetle, here’s what we’ll do…Hey! Wait a minute! You’re not Beetle! You’re some other guy!
BEETLE: Nah man, I’m Beetle. I’ve just been recast. How you doing?
GUY: Wha…? Again? What’s going on around here?
BEETLE: I don’t know man, I’ve just arrived…?
GUY: Do we still have the same director?
BEETLE: Who was directing? Renny Harlin?
GUY: No man! It was the dude that directed Mad Max!
BEETLE: Nah man. It aint either of them. It’s that guy who played Riker in Star Trek…I think. He had a beard..?
GUY: What is goin on around here man? I don’t know who the hell anybody is any more! (Pause) Who’s playing Ice? Please tell me for the love of God it’s still Scarlett Johansson!?
BEETLE: Nah dude. She’s been recast…
GUY: …Wha…
BEETLE: …It’s Tara Reid.
GUY: (Pause) …Meh.
BEETLE: So anyway…erm…Guy? What are we gonna do about Megafucker down there? It looks like he’s tearing the team apart. Superman just got uppercut and hit the moon. Batman looks tangled up in his own…thing and…
GUY: (distant)…hmmm, what? Aw who fucking cares?! I don’t know who half these people are anymore! Have they finished the script?
BEETLE: I’m sorry, what?
GUY: Have they finished the GODDAMNED SCRIPT?!
BEETLE: Erm, no. Something to do with the writer’s strike or something…?
GUY: That ended goddamn years ago! Fuck man! WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!
BEETLE: I don’t know man, I’ve just arrived…?
